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This was writen as a e-mail to my family in August, 1998.
Dear Family & Friends,
We regularly send out stories of how God works in some ones life. Maybe it's a simple inspirational story, meant to uplift. Well this time I have something on my heart, a praise, a sense of awe for my Lord. I only wish I were a writer and could convey the big feelings so that you can see them. If I can manage to get through this without squalling all over the place, I'd like to speak about the man of my life in a way that even those of you who have known him a while may not be aware of. My husband.
For those that meet Robert only briefly, or haven't had the chance to really know him, I can almost guarantee the first impression that he has made on you. The nic-name I gave him when I first meet him is the one most people think of when they they meet him. Arrogant A#@ %$#@ ! Ooops! Why is she thinking bad words when she's supposed to be talking about God and the love of her life? Well, that's Robert, and that's the impression he takes great pleasure in trying to give. He like many of us has a less then perfect self esteem and one way he has learned to protect himself from hurt is to wear that "mask". For those one or two adults that have the perception, or have taken the time to get past that, we have learned that the "real" Robert is very different indeed. Behind his machoism and hardness is one of the most long-suffering, tender, loving, kindhearted, and gentle souls I have ever encountered. What really makes him "a man" is all those things that I fell in love with. The things he doesn't let most people see.
Those that know both of us, have often stated that we are truly "polar opposites". Our personalities are very , very different. I have even stated that I would like to be able to wear a sign that says, "The opinion of the management is not necessarily the opinion of this employee." (laugh!) What is so amazing about all this, is that my husband is my best friend, my soul mate, my anchor, and he loves me better then anyone in the world could. With all of MY personality quirks, that would drive some one else crazy? He just encourages them! When my silliness is enough to drive any sane man nuts? He is the best sport ever! Then there's my health problems that have worsened. Robbing me of activity, and the ability to be mobil. He's young, thin, in fabulous physical condition, and would like to be able to go do things. He works loong , hard days, and deserves to be pampered. How does he spend most evenings? Patiently, generously rubbing me down, trying to ease my pain, night after night. For years now. Be it things like him pressing my clothes for me on Sunday morning, his fixing me a cup of herb tea every night, to the look of desire that he has as he looks at me, even with my old fat body. To the way he gets up every day and works 10-12 hours, hard labor, in 100* heat w/85% humidity, and brings every cent home, so his children can be home, raised and taught for the future of the Kingdom. That mean, grumpy, smart mouthed, arrogant jerk, loves me in such a way, that I have learned profound lessons about the "real" meaning of committed love. That I have heard the voice of God speak in my heart.
Now how does that bring us back to my praise and sense of awe for God? Well other than the obvious thankfullness for Robert in general? :o) I have been convinced that God has saved his life, repeatedly, just for me. Because God knows that I need Robert yet. Not those little quirks of circumstances that we all have in our lives, but actual miracles. I have felt in my heart God telling me that He spared Robert's life. Not only because Robert has a plan, not only because Robert is a father, but because God was letting him be there for me. I have learned much about God, many a Biblical principal, my spirit has been changed through the truths I've learned in our marriage. I have grown to be a better person because of my husband. God has given me a gift and He has kept His hand of protection over him for me.
Once Robert was driving a small tin can of a car. As he sat behind a car, at a red light, a very large truck rear ended the car behind Robert's. (picture now, he is in between two cars) Robert's car ended up turned around over 90 degrees so that it was facing the other way. The rear was so smashed in that the seat he was in was split completely in two....vertically. The hat sitting in the front seat beside him was flung out across three lanes of traffic. There was a police car sitting at the other corner when this happened. Both officers ran over expecting him to be dead for sure. When they got to him, he was sitting on the curb lighting a cigarette. He had a sore neck for two days.
One time he was working on a high rise building. They were on the 20th floor and the wind was gusty up there. He had to work the steel on "the edge" and there was no place to tie a safety line. He slipped...and went off the building face up! He said he actually felt a large hand shove his back and put him back on the 20th floor.
There are many stories I could tell. Too many for my comfort. Then there's yesterday. Yesterday Robert was struck by lightning. Florida is the lightning capital of the world. We have a lightning storm every afternoon during season. One started to move in. Robert was taking a column off the crane. A bolt of lightning struck about a hundred yards off the building. A fork of the bolt had split off and hit the crane directly. Robert was thrown backwards several feet to land on his rear. Men swarmed from all over the job site to see if he were dead. He stood up....MAD! He comes home teasing me that his new nic-name is "Sparky" and how he has such a "electric" personality, and don't be "shocked" by what he says. As he teases me, and we go about getting ready for the evening activities, I feel it again in my heart. God speaking to me. He has saved him again.
Now one day, God will call Robert home. I won't know when that will be, today or maybe 50 years from now. I'm not saying he will be with me always. But I have been convinced by God, that up to now, and for this moment, He has kept Robert safe for me. He has given me a special blessing, that's just from God's heart to mine. He has given me the one soul, for how ever long it may end up being, that can love me the exact way I need loving. I know now, with a peace I wouldn't have had 13 years ago, that when it does become time for Robert to go, that it will be a part of God's plan for us. That it will be OK. That the God who loves me so much as to give me my Robert, keep him safe just for me, and speak to my heart about it, will know the "right" time for it to be finished. Robert and I will always have each other in heaven, where we will meet again one day. I stand in awe of my loving Father for bringing us together and for His devine protection of the greatest blessing to me by Him. God has blessed me with so much!! He's spoken to my heart the most through the greatest one. So the next time you see us together and your tempted to think, "How does she put up with him?" Remember that to me, he "puts up with" me, and Robert is my greatest earthly gift. I know, cause God watches over him for me. He told me so just yesterday.
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